The trouble with love is

There has been trouble at home recently.

A 19-years-old marriage is at a crossroad. I don't know where it'll head towards, but I found myself wishing it won't end. The troubles started with personality clashes and poor communication, and it never really got resolved. I guess it is why it has been snowballing since. Now it's gotten so big it's crushing both parties with its immense weight.

I stood at the side, a spectator, unsure of what I can do. It doesn't feel like something I can offer help with, even though I've practically watched the snowball gather its mass for 19 years.

What am I to say?

On one hand we have a guy who's only back home twice a year, hardly calls, hardly (never?) assures his wife of his presence and his love. He works hard for the family, even though he (strangely) doesn't bring in much. Is it bad luck or is there something more? 

On the other hand, we have a virtuous wife who keeps the house in order and takes care of the kids. She's simple-minded, doesn't really know how to manage finances and doesn't know how to coax her husband. But she's a good wife, and the only thing she's asking for is some assurance, some care and concern from her husband.

He doesn't see a problem in his behavior even though she cries and talks about it, even though he wasn't like that before and it's pretty obvious there is a problem. She's too simple to try to probe for more information out of him, so she cries when he puts up the wall.

There was a time when I would've encouraged a divorce, but not anymore. As I grew older, I came to understand relationships better. A relationship is a labor of love, a delicate and precious thing; it's unique to that two individuals and it contains so much pain and joy and intricacies all wrapped up in a messy package. I now see a problem that could be solved through better communication and more compromises. Unless, of course, he has had a change of heart.

Then again, how do we ever find out if he doesn't tell? Should she just give it up or hang on till he gives in? What if he really didn't hide anything from her?

I am not in the position to advise or judge, but I'm in the position to learn from it. 

People always say that trust is very important in a marriage. Now I see that equally important is consideration. There would've been no problem if he had put himself in her shoes and seen that all he needed to do was to show her a little attention and love. There would've been more trust, lesser anger, and more love. And if he has changed, seeing her in pain would've spurred him to tell the truth.

I wish them happiness and peace, whichever way it turns out.